Falling to Pieces
by theladyofwonderland
Summary: What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up but you're okay. I'm falling to pieces, yeah.   The Script-Breakeven. Pairing-Jogan


**A/N: This was written because my addiction to The Script knows no bounds and most of their songs are very Jogan-y. Ignore the horribleness, I'm tired and sick and my brain isn't quite functioning right now.**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing. CP Coulter owns Logan and Julian, and The Script owns the lyrics. I do, however, own Grant.**

It had been nearly six months. Five months, twenty-eight days, and six hours, to be exact. But who was counting? Logan sure wasn't.

Julian sat in his dorm room, his forehead pressed against the icy window.

Why had he come back? Had he honestly thought his return would change anything? Logan had made it very clear it was over. He had moved on, had a new boyfriend. This one was a tall strawberry blonde with blue eyes that even Julian had to admit were beautiful.

But seeing Logan happy, even though he had initially thought that was all he wanted, didn't help. It cut deeper than anything yet.

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing_

_Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in_

_'Cause I got time while he got freedom_

_'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even_

Tears slid slowly down the actor's cheeks, but no one would ever see. No one would ever know. To them, Logan was just a fling. Even Derek wouldn't know the pain he went through. It would be his dark secret—he was in love with the blonde prefect who had long-since moved on. And, odds are, he wouldn't be getting over it any time soon.

He wiped his eyes and walked out the door, heading towards the common room. He immediately stopped and turned away, heading rapidly back the way he had come. Of course Logan was there, with that stupid boy toy of his.

_His best days will be some of my worst_

_He finally met a man that's gonna put him first_

_While I'm wide awake he's no trouble sleeping_

_'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no_

He was selfish. He wasn't about to deny it. The famous actor had always and would always put himself first—even before the one he loved with every fiber of his being. And that was one of his biggest flaws.

This thought echoed in Julian's head repeatedly as he sank to the ground against the wall outside of the common room.

But it seemed Grant wasn't any ordinary man to Logan. He was obviously more precious, more loved, more wanted then Julian ever would be in relation to the blonde. There was no doubt they were head-over-heels for each other, and that cut the actor deeply.

It seemed Julian had got the baggage while Logan got everything he had ever wanted.

_What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,_

_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah,_

_I'm falling to pieces_

He would never admit it, but without Logan, Julian was broken. It felt as if life had lost all meaning. Logan's current happiness sure wasn't helping. The actor couldn't bear to be around the prefect, but the latter seemed oblivious to this. He always tried to approach Julian, to talk, to argue, to sing- just to be near him. But every time he actually managed to corner Julian, their conversation was always the same.

It all centered on Grant, mister tall, hot, and perfect.

Logan was the best thing about Julian's life, and had been for over three years. Even when they weren't dating, Julian's main interest was always Logan (when it wasn't his self, of course). So how was he supposed to keep going after losing that?

_They say bad things happen for a reason_

_But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding_

_'Cause he's moved on while I'm still grieving_

_And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no_

It must be some form of karma. This had to be the universe's revenge for being so selfish, or for some random mistake he had made in a past life.

That didn't mean it hurt any less.

The pain was there, it wouldn't dull, wouldn't lessen, it just raged like a burning inferno no matter what he tried,, no matter who he slept with, no matter what movie he starred in.

But of course Logan had found another man. He was never tied down too long, he never waited more than a small amount of weeks, barely enough time for the faintest scars to heal.

Hearts are fragile. The tiniest thing can break it. When to people share one heart…..it never breaks evenly.

_What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,_

_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah,_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah,_

_I'm falling to pieces_

_One still in love while the other one's leaving_

_I'm falling to pieces_

Julian stood and punched the wall. _This isn't fair; _his mind screamed as he ran back into his dorm room, ignoring the pain in his hand and the confused stares of the nearby Stuarts. He locked the door and his façade immediately shattered.

Broken sobs racked his slender frame, barely muffled by the pillow pulled over his head. Why him? What had he done wrong? How did he, yet again, manage to screw up everything good in his life?

He knew what he had to do.

He had to leave.

He threw the pillow across the room, tears still cascading down his handsome face. He pulled the simple black suitcases from under his bed and began packing. He was determined to get everything. He wasn't coming back. There would be no goodbyes—a clean break. Not that Logan would bother to be distracted from Grant to notice his 'best friend' and ex leaving for good.

_Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain_

_You took your suitcase, I took the blame._

_Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains, oh_

_'Cause you left me with no love and nothing else to my name…_

Did Logan even realize Julian was still in love with him? _Of course not, _Julian thought bitterly. Not when he couldn't go five minutes without shoving his tongue down his new boyfriend's throat.

Julian thought back to their short but meaningful- to him, at least—relationship as he packed.

They had always argued, but that was something that remained unchanged from their friendship. Of course, they had their sweet moments- quite a few, actually. Many of which Derek swore were giving him cavities.

But then it became too much, it became fake. Their arguments became more vicious, and their sweet and lovey-dovey moments were few and far between. Of course, they always made up—and, hey, the sex was pretty damn great—but they both knew it was over between them. The line had been crossed and neither of them would lower their pride enough to take the fall. Until Logan ended it.

It was after one of their more physical fights, which left the both of them bleeding and tired of the animosity. He simply ended it. "It's over. We're through." It was as simple as that.

That was when Julian realized just how much he truly needed his lover, but by then it was too late.

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing_

_Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in_

_'Cause I got time while he got freedom_

_'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break_

_No it don't break_

_No it don't break even, no_

The sobs refused to subdue themselves. It was well into the night by then, and Julian's bags were mostly packed. He was broken beyond repair, and too tired to keep up his façade of composure. Getting away from this hell-hole might just be his best idea yet.

Maybe without being forced to see the gorgeous blonde every day…he would move on. He would find someone who cared about him, who wouldn't dump him then have a new boy/girlfriend within the month.

But for now…..his heart was broken and he wasn't anywhere near strong enough to move on.

_What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and_

_What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok_

_(Oh glad your okay now)_

_I'm falling to pieces yeah_

_(Oh I'm glad your okay)_

_I'm falling to pieces yeah_

_(One still in love while the other ones leaving)_

_I'm falling to pieces_

_('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)_

That was how he found himself in the piano room, alone and singing with everything he had. He couldn't move on yet, not any time soon. This was his farewell, though those it was aimed at weren't around to hear it.

He poured his heart, his soul, his pain, his sorrow, his everything into a song no one would hear.

Because, even if someone had heard him, nothing would change.

It wasn't good enough—it seemed like nothing he did ever was.

And so, without a backwards glance, he left.


End file.
